A young girl abandons her baby at the hospital. She is promiscuous, probably a drug addict, and she couldn’t care less what happens to the baby. Fortunately, the child is rescued by adoptive parents who love the child more than the biological mother ever could. This is the typical way that the media presents birth mothers. But it is far from the truth. I know, because I am one. I never did drugs, I wasn’t sleeping around, and I loved my baby. Here are six quotes from real birth mothers about what we wish the media knew about us.
1. “Not all birth moms are products of failed parenting. Just because your child was adopted does not mean they were taken away or that CPS was involved. Some people choose adoption as a way to provide the best life for their child.”
Domestic adoption and foster adoption are very different. Many birth mothers voluntarily terminate their parental rights, signing them over to a family that they believe are a good fit for their child.
2. “We are just like any girl next door, except we got pregnant. We are from all age groups, races, economic, educational, religious groups. We made a very difficult choice and all have suffered differently because of it. Society likes to lump people into groups so they can handle things more easily and tidily. I don’t believe we fit any mold!”
Each birth mother has her own unique path that led her to choose adoption. There is no one size fits all, and it is not fair for the media to portray all birth mothers the same way.
3. “We aren’t broken, damaged, or come from a background that needs to be talked about in whispers. We are mothers and women who decided in our situation that adoption was best for our child.”
Choosing adoption does not make a woman any less of a mother. It takes a strong woman to make such a difficult choice for the sake of her child.
4. “That we are someone! That we are selfless, heroic women who are helping other women. We are not lazy, we are not taking the easy way out. We are living, breathing, feeling human beings, and we are not made of stone”
Being a birth mother is hard. It is painful, because we love our babies. It’s hard to separate from them.
5. “That I didn’t give my daughter away. I didn’t ‘sell” my daughter. I found her a family who would love her forever.”
It is a common misconception that women who place children for adoption make money from it. This is false. Some birth mothers receive help with basic expenses during their pregnancy, but this is not typical.
6. “People need to know how much unconditional love goes into the decision to place your child/children for adoption. When you place you are not “giving up” on the child, you are creating a new family for a couple that can’t have children. You are giving your child a life that you can’t provide for them otherwise.”
Placing isn’t an easy choice, but it is a loving one. We give love, we give life, but we do not give up.
Being portrayed as an irresponsible, selfish person is not fair to a woman who places her child for adoption. Media, take note–we are not who you say we are.